I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
