I got chris browned last night
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
