So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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