Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
