"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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