I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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