I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
