Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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