This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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