I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
