too bad you live with your parents still
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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