Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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