fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
