Yo dont text me then not text me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
