Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
