walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
