Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
