Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
