You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
