it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
