Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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