You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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