i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
