Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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