While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
