Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
