i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
