Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
