Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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