come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
