"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
