I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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