May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You need a sexual gate keeper
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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