did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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