you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
