I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
