Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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