Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
