I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
