the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
