Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
