Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
