Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
should my penis look like a turkey
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
