I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
