All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
