If i come over, it means nothing
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
