nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
