Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
