i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Quick, to the slutcave!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
