I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
