OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
