My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
