And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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