i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
