Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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