I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
