high people should be assigned attendants
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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