I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
