OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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